So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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