I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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