let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He passed out mid-signature
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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