dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
