I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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