so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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