I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
please come you make the beer taste better
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
