you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
