gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
