plz talk dirty to me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
