I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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