ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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