She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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