i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
