my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
