I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
