People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
