yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
