Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
