Plan B is the new Plan A
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
