well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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