Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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