My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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