why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
