so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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