i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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