I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
