And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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