I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
