is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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