just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
