Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
