WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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