Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
