try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize