There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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