Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
