i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
