I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
