It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
