whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
