we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
