Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize