If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
