Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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