She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
