Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
