I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
