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• (509): View more from Washington

  My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?

  (541): View more from Oregon

  It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  i think i recognize dicks better than faces

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• (213): View more from California

  dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  May the force be with you.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.

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