Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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