I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You smell like stripper and shame
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
