She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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