I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
