Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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