So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
