Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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