At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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