dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
