Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize