i just wanna soil my oats bro
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize
