I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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