I love black thongs
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
