Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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