im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize