Your face is a jimmy john
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You are the jesus of drinking
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
