i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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