I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
