I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
